In case your local paper didn’t run this story, I’m posting it here:
BROOKSVILLE, FLA – Well known family variety entertainer Tony the Balloon Guy has announced that he will not be seeking the spokesman services of Tiger Woods in 2010.
“I’ve never used him before,” said Tony the Balloon Guy. “Seems silly to start now.”
Tony the Balloon Guy’s business – balloon entertainment, face painting, pony rides, juggling, magic, and so on – is aimed at a family market, but he said his decision had nothing to do with the golfer’s current scandal.
“What scandal?” asked Tony the Balloon Guy, who might be considered The Greatest Entertainer in Human History, Past Present and Future, by both Time and Cat Fancy magazines, although neither pubication has said so in those exact words. “I just don’t have a business that has anything to do with golf.”
Tony the Balloon Guy also expressed surprise to learn that Tiger Woods is not an actual tiger.
“But the Frosted Flakes guy is, right?” asked Tony the Balloon Guy.
Tiger Woods did not comment for this story.